Home > Sports, Stupid shit > World Cup 2010 vs. Paint Drying – PAINT FTW!

World Cup 2010 vs. Paint Drying – PAINT FTW!

I am not a soccer neophyte. My children play it, I played for three years in high school, and my nephews are into it so much that they go to Madrid every year to participate in soccer camps. Playing soccer is fun and an easy game to play with friends BUT as a TV event, IT SUCKS.

Here are my gripes:

  1. A 0-0 game with 4 shots on goal is BOOOORING It’s like watching a marathon but without the scenery – lots of running and short bursts of action followed by dejection at no shot on goal
  2. Advancing by goal differential Are you shitting me? So let me get this straight, I can advance to the second round if my goal differential is higher? Really. So if USA gets lucky and has a higher goal differential than England, even if the teams have the same number of points (and despite their tie), the US gets to advance? I am I the only one who thinks this is totally f-ed up? Which leads me to my next point,

    Wimps on the right

    "ooh a fly touched me" soccer pansies on right

  3. Ties suck ass. If the sport forces games to be won or lost, whether by sudden death or by PK’s, then we would not have to resort to goal differential, but rather simply by wins or losses. Someone said that a tie was like kissing your sister. Maybe we should use arm-wrestling as a tiebreaker too.
  4. How can you decide a world champion by penalty kicks? This has happened twice in the last for World Cup tourneys, including the last one, won by Italy. This is the functional equivalent of playing HORSE to determine game 7 of the NBA Championship, or a shootout in hockey, or the Super Bowl being won in a kick-off between kickers. Woo Hoo. Pardon my excitement. Be a man – hockey players played FIVE OVERTIMES once to determine the winner of a playoff game. Hockey players are real men. Soccer players WISH they could be real men, but…
  5. Soccer players such babies I believe one soccer player from Cameroon was once felled when an opposing player knocked a gnat into him. The gnat was red-carded. I would really like to see a game of red rover with the Baltimore Ravens vs. an All Star team of soccer players. THAT I would pay to see.
  6. Can we get rid of those vuvuzelas? Annoying pieces of shit. Nuff said.
  7. Also, can we get rid of insipid soccer fans who proclaim “We just don’t get it?” They’re like cicadas who come out every four years and  are sometimes as obnoxious. “Ooh you don’t understand it” or “you haven’t appreciated the joy of a left flank attack that results in…” nothing.

Look, you enjoy soccer? Great, I’ll be watching my [insert other sport here] instead. More power to you; however, please don’t tell me that just because the rest of the world watches it, I should watch it too. Here’s to July 29th, when training camp starts.

  1. Ryan
    June 16, 2010 at 8:46 am

    I was going to go through this point by point, but I think I’ll just say this:

    Not your cup of tea. Got it. But, you know, we all got that over a week ago, so what exactly is the point of this, other than to be a dick?

    You don’t like to watch soccer. That’s great for you. I don’t like to watch baseball (any sport in which SOMEONE ELSE CAN RUN FOR YOU is not valid, in my opinion) but you don’t see me going around to everyone I know that *does* like baseball and being a bitch to them for the entire season because I don’t like.

    So, kindly, shut the hell up. kthnxbai. 🙂

    • Ody
      June 16, 2010 at 8:52 am

      I know you and I are of opposite minds here. this wasn’t written for you, dork. It was written to be obnoxious. I guess I succeeded.

      • Ryan
        June 16, 2010 at 9:10 am

        Well, I just have to say that your incessant whinging about the World Cup puts you rather in the same boat as those players you think so lowly of for their theatrics. Just sayin’.

  2. Ody
    June 16, 2010 at 9:11 am

    Fair point. Want to meet for lunch this week?

  3. Ryan
    June 16, 2010 at 9:16 am

    Sure. Tomorrow?

  4. Miffeddog
    June 17, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    Well you’ve proved that you know F’all about “soccer” because it’s called football.
    Football is not the baby shit you guys play american football is a baby version of rugby “google it” rugby players are real men they have no padding at all.
    Football (soccer) is called football everywhere in the world except america.
    American football is played with your hands good example of American intelligence.
    Fact is american sports suck. Only america play them.
    You have the world series but only American teams so how the F can it be a world series.
    Closing note yanks are dumb and think the world revolves around them. Football is great better than your yanky padded sports.
    Ps check out rugby miles better

    • Ody
      June 17, 2010 at 7:13 pm

      Thanks for your comments. You have convinced me.

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